Meet Norman the Nordmann!
It’s a pleasure to meet you, come in and warm yourself by the fire. Ah, that’s it, right there. Grab yourself a blanket and a cushion so you can get all comfy! It’s bloomin’ cold outside, and you’ve got to keep warm now. Just look at that snow coming down, it’s much prettier from this side of the window, isn’t it? Reminds me of all those times I spent with my family, all those precious days, we all still had our stresses and our problems you know? Yet, on those Christmas days when we all sat down together, none of those stresses mattered. I didn’t ever do that much, I just stood in the corner, but they all looked over at me as they chatted and smiled so much that, well, I felt quite important. Even if it was just for a few days, they were the best days of the year!
Let me tell you a bit about myself. I’m Norman the Nordmann Fir, which is quite funny because I’m not really a Nord or a man! I’m a tree, and I’m from Scotland HA! I should start writing jokes for crackers I should. Always been a funny one ol’ Norm, right from when I was a sapling. Pap used to say I put the sap in sapling and I’d say his jokes were cornier than an acorn. Sorry, I don’t get out much see, but that’s where I’m happiest! I’m an indoor tree, and I absolutely flourish in a nice stand surrounded by a warm family! I’m getting ahead of myself again, let’s go back to the beginning, or should we say FIR-st things FIR-st haha! Another corker from Norm! I started my life as a wee sapling in the Pines and Needles forest, and that place is wonderful. You think your homes beautiful? Wait till ya see that bit of land. Here we grow up with a lot of advantages compared to other trees, we don’t get any chemicals poured over us, they let wildlife live with us, so we’re never alone! Also, they always make sure we travel comfortably because that’s the scary bit see! We’re worried when we’re out the ground, but they make sure we’re as happy as can be till we reach our first home!
Once we touch down in our new homes, that’s where all the fun starts! We get these lovely stands that keep us nice and fresh, we actually prefer the indoors us Nordmanns, some have gone as far as to call us Nordm-INS because we’re so happy inside haha! I slay me I do. Oof that reminds me, I need a drink, can you pour a couple litres of that water into my stand, please? That’s the thing with me, I may be beautiful, but I sure am thirsty! I need about 2-3 litres of the good stuff every day to keep me looking this grand. I think it’s a fair trade, I stay beautiful all season long, and all I ask for is a little drink? Should start calling myself a Nordmann - FAIR HA! Now, the only last thing about me you need to know is that I don’t like the heat. Oh no, I can withstand being in a house no problem at all but if you’re gonna stick me near a fire or a radiator we’re gonna have to have some stern words! Ya don’t want a nasty Nordmann on your hands now do ya?
Anyway, now that you’re warmed up why don’t you pop some decorations on me and really make me your own. I’m going to stay big, bright and beautiful all Christmas long because that’s what us Nordmanns do, we look after you, and we’re part of the family. Just make sure you send us back home correctly at the end of Christmas, we don’t like hanging about too long or getting dumped somewhere. It’s only Nordmann-Fair! Sorry, I couldn’t resist a last cracker from Norm.