Crackers about Christmas!
Bang! Woooo! YES! HURRAH! CHRISTMAS! Where did those sounds come from? Bang! YAAAY! Ah, where are those noises coming from? What could be the source of this unbridled happiness and cheering? Surely there can’t be any known thing on this earth that could inspire this much happiness, to this many people. We don’t believe it! There can’t, and there won’t be. POP! HUZZAAAH!!!! Seriously! Somebody needs to let us in on what’s going on and what is causing so much joy... Ah, we should have known. Christmas crackers.
Now, you may not know this yourself, but it’s a solid fact in the north pole (we’re not entirely sure this applies globally, but we’d like to think so.) that Christmas crackers are an instant cure for any blues. That’s right, one quick pop and suddenly all your troubles wash away! We used to think it was Santa putting a drop of whiskey in his eggnog that kept him so rosy and cheery but it’s actually Christmas crackers. Every morning throughout the Christmas period Santa wakes up and pulls a Christmas cracker! It’s the source of his happiness. That’s right folks, Christmas crackers are literally the source of Santas cheer. That makes them, evidently, the source of nearly all happiness across the entire earth. Happy right now? I bet you are, it's because you pulled a Christmas cracker last year. Their effects linger throughout the year slowly giving you happiness. Now, imagine how much happier you’d feel if you had pulled 10 crackers, no 20 crackers, NO! 50 Christmas crackers! You’d have enough happiness to get you through the whole year without a dip!
Throughout the north pole, sadness has been entirely irradicated, and it’s all thanks to the magic of Christmas crackers. Please note, we can’t guarantee that Christmas crackers will provide you with the same happiness it gives to the inhabitants of the north pole, but we can strongly imply it. Also, how do you know that Christmas crackers aren’t the source of all happiness? Can you provide any evidence to back your claims, have there been any dedicated, serious studies into whether Christmas crackers are the source of all joy in this world? Thought not. If the American president doesn’t need science to make a point, then I don’t think we do either. So, maybe it’s worth trying out. It’s not exactly a massive undertaking is it? Here’s a link to where you can purchase our famous Christmas crackers. All you have to do it buy some and get cracking.